Speaking of Johns: A Review of Denny’s on Avenue Q

Two words come to everyone’s mind when you think of Denny’s. Family and Hospitality. These two words aptly describe my experience in the men’s public restroom at this mainstay of fine American dining.

Presumptions:
I’ll be totally honest, I came to Denny’s not expecting much. Let’s face it, Denny’s is still feeling the effects of the 2008 recession. From the cracked window to the sticky tile to the lethargic staff, Denny’s record of excellence has been tarnished by the last 10 lackluster years.

Obviously Denny’s would have to be graded on a curve.

Curb Appeal
Could have been better. I think this location is banking on its proximity to the hotel and/or drunk college students. The first thing to greet me when I walked in the door was a lonely wad of paper towel. Obviously, I’m here to poop, so it didn’t bother me. But I can imagine how that visual would curb the appetite of an eager diner.

Pictured: Not a Hostess

The Dining Area

This is where Denny’s started to make a comeback. In my short foree in giving reviews of local public restrooms, I’ve encountered some pushback.

“Cameras aren’t allowed in the restaurant.”

“I don’t know, let me ask my manager.”

“Get out before I call the police. Creep.”

Denny’s I am happy to say, treated me with nothing less than respect and dignity.

“Can I get you a table sir?”

“No, I just need to use your public restroom.”

“No problem! It’s over there!”

“Give me your tired, your poor, your cramping colons.” – Denny’s

The Room

This is where Denny’s began to really shine. It was obvious that this restroom had seen a lot of things. There were the normal dents and scratches on the doors and wall along with mild discoloration of the plastic walls of the stall. The room showed obvious sign of strain from years of thanklessly relieving it’s diners of their post-“Lumberjack Slam” bowel movements. But despite it all, the room was clean and respectable. It had graced with age. Not something you can say about your average John.

Denny’s rocking the ones and twos

An odd addition to the stall door was the coat-rack. I’d never seen this accessory in a loo before and couldn’t quite imagine a context in which someone would need it. Maybe I was generalizing, but most of their diners tend to leave their sports coats at home. Nothing is worse than getting syrup of your favorite blazer and having to explain your slovenliness to the fellas at polo practice.

The Cleanup

This establishment met expectations but didn’t over-deliver. There was your standard single piece sink, scentless hand sanitizer, paper towels and a top-half mirror.

One small critique I did have was the trash can. The counter had a small circle cut out of it with a trash can placed directly underneath. This is an obvious design flaw as the likelihood of someone missing the shot to the trash can is almost guaranteed. Not all of us are in the NBA Denny’s. Maybe the engineers were foolishly banking on the goodwill of their customers. The littered papers on the floor proved how naive they were.