Dissin'Franchise Fast Food Reviews Rundown

Lubbock, Is Braum’s Actually Good?

If you’ve driven by the new Braum’s in south west Lubbock on Milwaukee you may’ve done a double-take. You may’ve gasped a little too, or even spewed whatever it was you were drinking onto the windshield. This was my reaction at the line of cars spilling out onto Milwaukee causing moving traffic to completely avoid the lane. Is there something I’m missing about Braum’s? Or has this dumpster fire of a year really gotten to Lubbockites in this cruel, sick way. By cruel I mean how could Oklahoma’s folksy and basic favorite-son-of-a-franchise have so many good and well-meaning people under its sinister spell. By sick, I mean c’mon. They know what they’re selling in there. Even if teeming Tech fans don’t and are willing to wait in line like it’s the second-coming of our lord and savior Pat Mahomes. Those people in there know the product doesn’t match the demand. This got me thinking, maybe Braum’s is delicious and I need to give it a second chance

Lubbock, is Braum’s actually good? Because the Braum’s I know from growing up in Amarillo (we had five! how posh) is the Braum’s in which 95% of patrons had silver hair. It was the Braum’s in which 20% of patrons had a walker. There’s nothing really wrong with that, same as there was nothing wrong with Luby’s. But it was sticky floors, unpolished stainless steel railings, and finger-smudged plexiglas from people who need to point and tap at their ice cream selections beyond the glass. It was a door closer that didn’t work. So one of the front doors always stayed open because by the time the old-timer realized it never closed behind them they were already at the ice cream counter. By that time it was someone else’s problem. The Braum’s I know is a heavy-rotation spot for the Furr’s, Denny’s, and Golden Corral crew.

The Braum’s I know is the Braum’s where high-school kids go to buy weed from the 17 year-old who moved out of his parents house and quit school. He’s not selling the good stuff, necessarily. But he’s always holding. It’s a last resort, for sure. Fortunately, he’s one of the only workers there after 10pm so you don’t have to invent covert operations — which is good because Braum’s weedman is anything but subtle. He’ll even throw in an extra scoop for you, and you don’t even have to ask. That’s the Braum’s I know. The Braum’s I know isn’t bumper-to-bumper until lights-out. The Braum’s I know slows down real early and even so it doesn’t get clean as you think it should with all that downtime.

The Braum’s I know is the Braum’s of cheap excess. It’s the “bag of burgers” spot you might hit when you’re drinking a sixer with your friend who has called you over to tell you all the details about the latest conspiracy theory. It’s not the place you’d pick, especially not at 9:30pm because who eats dinner that late? Your conspiracy theory friend, that’s who. You weren’t even hungry but he said, “Let’s go grab a bag of burgers and I’ll tell you about QAnon and how Trump’s number one goal is to break up an elite worldwide secretive vampire peado cult.” You don’t care about the burgers but you wanna hear what the hell about the vampires.

But how’s the food?

Some Braum’s Food Ranked & Reviewed

Chocolate Shake:

Let’s start with the goods. This was a 10-min chocolate shake. Not sure what happened in their workflow, but all the food came out first and we just sat at the window awkwardly looking at the same one or two people at the register for about 10 mins. We watched a lady walk to her car licking a double-dipped cone as it dribbled and dripped melted ice cream all over her corona mask. We became especially worried when the girl who handed us our food appeared to walk out and drive away at the end of her shift. We hoped she’d passed word to the others inside that we were sitting there staring, not enamored with the burger and ice cream restaurant as our fellow lubbockites appeared to be, but indeed waiting. Waiting on a single chocolate shake.

The shake was good and thick. However, I wouldn’t say it tastes drastically different from a Wendy’s Frosty. It’s a little creamier and a little more ‘milk-product’ derived than Wendy’s borderline icy quality. But not worth waiting in line for.

Peanut Butter Cup Shake:

This was pretty tasty. Just enough add-ins to give you the peanut butter cup flavor, without over-loading it. It honestly could’ve been mixed for longer to give it a more consistent texture. It was a little watery in some places and a little too chunky in others. But overall, it was pretty tasty. Almost as tasty as J’s Creamery when they’re on their A-game, better than J’s when they aren’t

1/4-Pound Bacon Cheeseburger:

Sesame seed bun. Mayo. Braum’s sauce. The bread is nice and soft. Their website says it’s baked fresh in Braum’s bakery, which all bread is baked fresh in someone’s bakery. But it seems like they want us to believe it’s baked right inside, in-house. I doubt it is. I’d be surprised if they don’t get it off a truck. The patty is fairly thick for a fast-food burger. The bacon is appropriately portioned, too. Not too chewy and not too crispy hard. The lettuce and tomato are there, which is obviously the only thing worth saying about drive-thru lettuce and tom. Overall, this burger was strikingly similar to Burger King for me. Whataburger is better. Five Guys is way better. But this burger does beat McDonald’s and Burger King as it just tastes a scintilla more fresh. But definitely not worth the wait you’ll have to endure at one of the new Lubbock Braum’s locations. Now the fries…


I love thicc fries. These are hefty lil taters. So if you’re keen on shoestring fries or other skinny varieties look elsewhere cuz these fries curvy. They’re nice and crisp on the outside and softy and steamy on the inside. These were perfectly seasoned, too. Now this maybe the perfect fast-food fry. For me they beat out McDonald’s purely on their crinkle-cut chunkiness. They were served piping hot and generously overflowing from their cardboard cup. Braum’s fries are a winner. But are they worth the long wait in a lane of end-to-end cars like a pre-COVID Black Friday sale? Nah…

Strawberry Poppyseed Salad with Strips:

I heard a lot about the “freshness” of the food at Braum’s so I wanted to test this rumor in the most severe way: by ordering a salad. First off, any establishment that puts hot chicken directly in the to-go container with a cool summer salad is an establishment that doesn’t really understand salad. By the time I got it home 15 minutes later, the lettuce, likely a garden blend from a package, was wilted and warm. The strawberries, blueberries, and pineapple were on the warm side, too. The fruit seemed fresh enough, although a few pieces of pineapple were beginning to get mushy. The poppyseed dressing was ok despite its gravy-like appearance. The croutons were run-of-the-mill high-school cafeteria fodder and trying to stab one with a Braum’s plastic fork was like trying to punch someone in one of those dreams where your arms aren’t moving well and no one can hear you scream. There was a ton of chicken. The salad came with a side of their regular cottage cheese which was a nice touch. However, it’s made from non-fat milk and tastes watery and bland and severely lacking any cultured creaminess. Salad is definitely not worth waiting for and Braum’s may be fresh… but it ain’t fresh enough to ever want a salad. Unless your other option is a McDonald’s, an Allsups, or maybe Buccee’s.

Some Braum’s Breakfast Stuff Reviewed

Breakfast Burrito:

We all know about the boys from Oklahoma and how they roll their joints all wrong. I’m here to tell you they roll their breakfast burritos wrong, too. I made a breakfast run at 9am on a Sunday morning. There was no line at this time. The tortilla had a hard spot on it like it was made three hours ago and sitting under a heat lamp just wanting for a fool like me to order it. I checked their website and they don’t make any statements about these being fresh-baked in the Braum’s bakery, so I can’t necessarily hold that against them. But that’s not where the atrocities end. In addition to being mostly egg, they put onions, tomatoes, and sliced cheese on it.

I’m serious.

The Braum’s breakfast burrito is a no-go. Literally anywhere else is better. Including United —and you all know how I feel about United’s breakfast burritos.

Cinnamon Roll:

I actually thought this was pretty good. My wife says they reminded her too much of a Honey Bun. I wondered what’s wrong with a Honey Bun? According to their website these too are baked fresh in their own bakery. But to my wife’s point, they do have a texture that reminds me of something that was frozen at one time: an almost spongy and artificially consistent texture with a machine-precise regular crumb. It tasted buttery and yeasty. Gooey. Nice cinnamon and sugar balance. This was a perfectly inoffensive cinnamon roll, but you’ll never mistake it for a Queen of Tarts, Prairie Mom, or Ruffled Cup cinnamon roll — which are the three best cinnamon rolls you can find in Lubbock.

Biscuits and Gravy:

Very peppery. Too peppery for my wife in fact. I love peppery gravy. Good chunks of sausage in it. At McDonalds I feel like they chop up patties, but Braum’s appears to be the real deal crumbles. Very creamy gravy and hot. Sometimes gravy gets gelatinous as it cools off but this Braum’s gravy stayed nice and primo.

Yeah, But Braum’s A2 Milk Is What You Should Get

I did a few blind taste tests around the house and Kirkland’s Whole Milk beat Braum’s A2 whole milk every time. It was fuller and richer tasting than Braum’s milk. The A2 has a distinctive off-flavor to it. It’s almost a metallic or tinny type of an aftertaste that no doubt contributed to its unanimous defeat.

The Best Of Braum’s

I will admit, I’ve slipped into the grocery side of Braum’s on two recent occasions to get a half-pint of ice cream and both the Oatmeal Cookie and Chocolate Pecan have been so tasty. I’m honestly not sure if it’s any tastier than Tillamook, I actually don’t think it’s as creamy; or Blue Bell, it’s definitely not as expensive and BB has better flavor combos. But it’s good and oh so cheap.

I’d say the fries and biscuits and gravy are two items I’d order again.

But the main draw of Braum’s: it’s cheap. Anything they have, you could find a better version of it, quite handily. But you’ll never find it all in one place and you’ll never find it for so cheap. It’s honestly the Wal-Mart of fast food. Which I’m not sure explains the bumper-to-bumper traffic.

I’m going to chalk this phenomenon up to another bizarre manifestation of 2020’s relentless assault on the collective well-being of all the earth’s children.

17 comments on “Lubbock, Is Braum’s Actually Good?

  1. Vicky Huffman

    I think this article is ridiculous. The long lines should be your first clue that people in Lubbock like Braums. Go pick on a restaurant that needs to be picked on.

    Liked by 1 person

    • J. James Scott

      Vicky, thanks for your honest feedback and insight. It seems like we may disagree on the merits of Braum’s but I like your style nonetheless. Do you have any recommendations for restaurants that need to be picked on 🙂 ?


  2. I appreciate your article. I operate a Braums in OKC and this has been insightful and helpful

    Liked by 1 person

    • J. James Scott

      Hey Jasmine, thanks for reading! I have been thinking about those extra crispy and perfectly seasoned fries lately. Y’all are definitely doing some stuff right over there.


  3. Crisanta Sherrard

    My daughter and I were so excited and looking forward to a breakfast dine-in experience at Braum’s. But what did we get? A cold, hard not toasted bagels, a cold biscuits and gravy, with the gravy too watery and with maybe just 5 chopped up sausage pieces. So we returned the food and got full refund. What a disappointment!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alex Stoneham

    Problem is your from texas

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kevia Jackson

    They say they bake them themselves because it’s a Braums baked good. They don’t outsource for them. Yes they go out to all the stores on a truck but they were baked at the Braums farm in oklahoma then sent out. And they don’t go further than 24 hours from their farm to help ensure freshness and good quality that’s why they are only in the kid west. They don’t literally mean the workers in the store are baking hamburger buns. It is supposed to be fast food

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Kevia Jackson

    Found this pretty interesting. Hope ya don’t mind if I comment as I read. I’m curious. Is this just about if it’s worth waiting in a line for something you want? Also. Definitely think that there’s certain things you don’t drive 15 minutes to go somewhere else to eat, personally. If the chicken is fresh good, but if you have a drive just request they be separated. I live in Kansas and my store is smaller than this. We do get pretty slammed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • J. James Scott

      You should’ve seen the lines when they first opened. There were 40 or 50 cars in line almost every night… For Braum’s. And we’re in a city of 250k people. That just seemed interesting enough to me on the level of what does it say about us? You know?


  7. Kevia Jackson

    Ok I’m realizing as I read that some of this ain’t about quality, more so your perception. They probably did have that burrito in the warmer. My store makes the burritos to order to prevent that. And most breakfast burritos I’ve had have cheese, egg, sausage, onion, tomatoes. Most people don’t dislike those and if you do, you can order them off. I don’t understand going somewhere and not questioning what’s in or on it before you order it. And it’s pepper jack cheese, idk if that makes it better.? This is my last comment sorry just found this really interesting. I’ve never seen someone do such a detailed review of Braums before. People are usually pretty basic with what they have to say so thank you for the reviews!

    Liked by 1 person

    • J. James Scott

      Yeah, quality is relative. I usually always order things as they come. I figure whoever put it on the menu knows how it needs to be experienced.


  8. Braums is the future of old fashioned dinners. Shakes, burgers, sundays, etc. If you go to braums, get some braums sauce. Best sauce ever for your burgers, fries, and stripes. And think about it. People not only going for food. They have alot of ice cream. And all this stuff is made at the braums factory. Just walk inside and what doesn’t say braums on it isnt made by them. I use to love our braums when they made the food on the grill and you could see them make it.. Then they torn it down and made a bigger one and now you don’t get to see them make the burgers… Braums will grow in the coming years.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Scott Hughes

    Braum’s Buns,Bread and Cinnamon Rolls,Cookies and everything is baked fresh every day it goes from packaging to truck to store in less than 24hrs. Before u put this out u should have come to Tuttle,OK take a tour at the plant to learn about this great Family Owned Company. They are obviously doing something right when they have almost 300 stores and counting. People love there milk and ice cream they come threw and buy it and put it on dry ice on there way home. So come to the plant learn about this great company thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. We roll our joints just fine, if ya don’t like our joint go back down south and get theirs

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Better than anything you could get on either coast


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